musikatology

Milestoned!

2007-02-04T22:27:00.000+08:00

As sponge bob square pants would say it "Hurraaaay!!!".. Yes finally I have stopped smoking and achieved my personal milestone -that is stop smoking for a year. One year! Never did it ever crossed my mind that I would even pass one week when i first tried it. Many obstacles along the way that nearly made me pick up that unhealthy stick again. I can only hope that my good friends can be inspired by this personal "feat" that I have achieved and follow me into a healthier lifestyle... Swimming anyone? haha

Ok secondly, today is my getting-older-day. haha.. 23 years old my life gone.. Thank God that I am given the opportunity to live my life this long to see what the world has to offer today. Some people dint even make it this far. I know a a good friend who dint... Recently I had flashbacks of my life when I was growing up. Hard life dude. It ain't that easy. But now as I recall back I can laugh some of it off.. like how I use to eat peanut butter using a spoon and eat it straight from the tub? I only did it when my mum is working at night and my siblings all asleep. My mum always wonder how the peanut butter finish up so fast every time she buys one. Of course being the exemplary brother, I never admitted to the act. haha..Then one day she came back from work earlier cos' she was not feeling well.. and I was happily eating the peanut butter in the living room... *drumrolls* she got so angry that she shoved down the whole peanut butter down my throat using large spoonfuls of it! hahaha evil mummy. I really thought I was going to die. Headlines of the newspaper started appearing in my mind.. "Death by Peanut Butter" or "Peanut butter overdose"or "Budak mati dirodok kacang mentega".. After that i stopped that bad habit of eating peanut butter that way.. In fact I had phobia of eating peanut butter normally! Well I then started a new found more delicious habit - eating Milo.. LOL! ok but i stopped that too... only sometimes.. hehe

Talking about evil mummy.. I have been beaten up by mum using all the method any mother can think of.
Instruments used:
-Hundreds of 30 cents thin cane. (pain as hell)
-My father's belt which has big buckles
-The wooden part of the normal house sweep
-The wooden part of the normal house mop
-The house feather duster
-My old rattan house chair
-Clothes hangers
-Shoes
-Her bare hands
and the deadliest weapon.. Her nagging.. it can last for 2 hours i tell you........ haha but it is all in the past now.. She is the best mummy ever! its for the better of me anyway. :) Some of the little things that i remember during those days...

Anyway, what I realised is that when we grow older each day we tend to be wiser and have more things to aim in life. There will always a reason for everything that we do. We don't just do it for the purpose of doing it. Everything we do has a practical reason behind it. Purpose in life is very important to me. If u don't have a purpose, start finding one!

Ok peeps till next time.

'Happy' New Year

2007-01-03T02:31:00.000+08:00

First of all I would like to start by saying a very happy new year to one and all and may u have a blessed and wonderful 2007. My personal wish is to close the year 2006 and have a pleasent 2007. Last year was not such a good year for me. In fact it was not a good year for me. I really pray to Him that I will have a better year ahead. And also for the people around me to be hapy with ther loved one and have good health as well (wealth does not last!).

But this wish certainly does not go out to people who are out there just to hurt others. Nor for those whose lives resolves in cheating money other people's money for glamour and fame. I only got two words for you.. Fuck You. You have been the torture of my life for the past two months and only God knows. Sincerely from me, fuck off after u have settle the balance.

I dont know why but humans are fond of making use of others. Its not as though our parents taught us how to do that but we incorporate that method through the years we live our lives. And the sickening part is that people dont realise how much others are hurt by doing so and for some, they dont care. Now for these poeple, they dont have a life. Or maybe merely just trying to create a life for either themselves or evryone see. These group of people who i personally called the "pigs", literally, have only glamourosity to depend on. Other than that they have a poor grandma who is at home crying out for them when they have brought shit upon themselves . I pity these "pigs" because they are a very rare breed indeed. There are only one or two persons who are like that - in my world of "friends" that is. But the sad part is that they wont get extinct, in fact they will reproduce and have just enough breed to continue the bloody generation.

Another type are hyprocrites. These are the ones that i hate most, MOST. They smile in front of you momentarily, but they moment you turn your back they kill you. Now for those reading this pathetic entry of mine, dont try to imagine any one around you who is doing that.. but think back to whom who have done that the most. For that, you can some how or rather sum up who you really are.

Imagine yourself meeting a hypocrite + "pig"= a big obnoxious hyporcrite pig. Wow huh.. or maybe you are one? a disguised one which you can even see it yourself?

We humans dont realise what we really are unless what ever evil deeds we try doing on others happens to us. You may want to call it Karma. He/She/It does exist. Bottom line is, if you think hurting others may bring benefits to youself, think again. Life is really short.

_______________________________________________________

To you, Happy New Year. No matter what happens, I will always seek forgiveness and blessings. heart you...

btw.. i like your new dress :)

2006-12-09T01:41:00.000+08:00

I have never been this sad before..
I have always tried my best in doing things right..
I'm human too..

Have alot of things coming up. Im really under it again. I dont even know what im typing. Im seriously sad. Really at a loss as to why my life is like this.....

Hazeeeee

2006-10-07T16:16:00.000+08:00

My God. The weather is really killing me. The haze is terrible. I have never seen this kind of thick haze in years since my secondary school days. The worse is for those who are fasting in this holy month. My throat is so dry even after I break my fast in the evening.

anyway, I have been feeling so lethargic after giving my whole living room a 'whitewash' that is painting the whole house white before adding the layer of colour coat. I did that alone!! Not even my able bodied brothers were able to help. This year I'm going to be selfish and celebrate hari raya alone at home. haha! But this year it will be different I will have to give out money.... I cant receive any green packets anymore...... waaaarrrgghhhh.. I guess that's part and parcel of becoming an adult and working. Oh well..

Anyway the show that happened on the 30th of september 2006. I'll load up more when I receive the pictures from Fauzi Ravi.

The show set at Cool Deck Siloso Beach Arabian Nights.

Achievement

2006-10-06T00:22:00.000+08:00

Hi all.. Today is the 06th of October 2006. It has been eight months since I last smoked a stick of cigarette. I stopped smoking on my birthday. This achievement is not as easy as how I typed my last 3 sentences. It really took pains, effort and a lot of mental endurance for me to quit.

I use to be a damn heavy smoker and those who knows me long enough can testify that very fact. I have to admit it is not east to quit.

1)The smell that lingers from your friend's stick just teases your mind and at the same time torturing it..Squeezing every ounce of enduring energy you have in your brain while putting on smile on your face while they say" hey come one.. You cant quit.. Have a stick.. No harm lah! Tomorrow can still quit what.. hahaha.."

2) When your really stressed out and u need that bloody stick to so call "relax" your mind while you have trouble the whole day or when someone just doesn't leave you in a peaceful state on that day.

3) Especially when u have just eaten a great meal and you feel so full and that piece of harmful stick would just put your mind in heaven. Or when you are heading to the toilet to ease yourself big time. The long time habits are just so hard to change.

4) Friends teasing me asking me whether its my mother/girlfriend asking me to quit. Come to think of it, its so dumb/funny/ridiculous (choose one) that they have to ask that when its my lungs we are talking about.

But now after eight months I am laughing silently in my heart at those who ever laughed at me for making the effort to quit, the 13245212457th God knows how many attempts to quit. Smelling the lingering cigarette smell from their mouth just irks me out. But I can understand. Now I understand how a non smoker would feel and understand why they said "eh you just smoke ah?.. Smelly sia..". I must tell you. It is smelly. It gives you a natural bad breath.You can try if you want to. haa!

But then again I cant say I have completely stopped smoking till I reach my personal milestone which is my next birthday. That will only take time. Four months to be exact.

It is not impossible to quit. Don't lie to yourself.

Till then, I am happy not to be smoking and feeling so good at the same time.

Just one of them..

2006-08-11T15:35:00.000+08:00

Ziana Zain.. one of my all time favourite malay singers. She was my idol when i was young. Really young.. Could not stop singing her top song "Madah Berhela" at that time. As years passed she sang other top songs but i did not keep track. Now in my early twenties, i still admire the voice god gave her.. My god. Those ballads will really tingle ur end nerves and give u that "wow" feeling.. Sorry Siti.. i like u too but i favour her more. u came later lah.. heh..

Just one of the things i would like to blog down...

This is My Blog.

2006-07-27T22:49:00.000+08:00

I just wanna blog something. This is what i feel right now. AAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!! Damn you people who try to destroy my already so meaningless life. I always try to do something not only to make myself happy but others happy. If you are trying to get me by twisting the freaking story all over then just die. This few months or in fact should i say nothing good has come my way this year. And im not hoping for anything to come anymore. Plain sick and tired. You can have it if u want it. Ah suro ah kau nyer kuncu2 kau spy lagi ah. Merapek. Letak satu rumah tak bom, malah rumah tu runtuh atas korang.. Hanyut..... best to describe.

If you think there is something wrong with my entry,
Buzz off. You are oh so not needed.

Mishaps

2006-06-30T00:15:00.000+08:00

nothing is going right for me this few days.. sprained my ankle so swollen i cant walk properly for 2 days. now feeling better though.

moving on.. we are still oh so not ready.. i dunno how. stuck. just like that.

i feel fallen even when it has not started. i am so scared. dont know wether they feel the same way too. please help me God.

im not gonna blog till Saturday at least. till then please wish me luck to those who noes what we im talking about.

Breakdown

2006-06-25T22:28:00.000+08:00

im here to complain to u blog.. im seriously facing a mental breakdown. Expections, expections, expections.. what if i dont meet them.. and time is not by my side.. 5 days left. thats it. showtime. sigh... i dunno who else to turn to... to the u who has been there for me, i thank. but i still cant help feeling this way.. i just pray to Allah that he will pull me through this hard time. till then.. i will really have a long face.. worried..

Happy to You!

2006-06-18T12:01:00.000+08:00

This entry of mine is dedicated to my Lovey Dovey MIss Zahara..

HAPPY 14TH MONTH tOGETHER GETHER!

I love u.. hee

Never Right.

2006-06-16T23:34:00.000+08:00

Back to blogging but not on a high note. today ia a day where everything went wrong for me. i keep getting scolded for nothing the whole day. Im just blogging to let my feelings flow to my fingers and type it out.

Im just sad that people look down on me. I hate being accused. I hate to be rushed and given last minute work. And most importantly feel sad that i get sarcasm from my friend.

really down right now. feel like puching my mouth.

dont try to hard to reach the sky.. u will be gasping for air.

Welcom 2006!

2006-01-01T21:21:00.000+08:00

ok first of all i would like to wish all a Happy new year 2006 and may u have a great year ahead. i dont feel its a new year for me cos 2005 went really2 fast.. i still remember when i blogged on the 31st of 2004 and how i loved that year.. great shows great publicity.. but for 2005 its a little different. why? cos there have not been big shows for me to keep me happy but there were achivements here and there and also a special someone added into my life.. heh..

from jan to ard may 2005 i was in school doing my Final Year Project with my mates, Thomas Peiyan Jeremy, Yongjia, Abel and Justin.. not what we really wanted to do but we finished it.. im proud of all of them.. and then the separation of us classmates on the last few days amongst our last minute rush for prjects deadlines were sad and emotional.. 3 years of being together as a big group assignments here and there.. now all us separated into doing different things in our life.. well mostly are serving their National Service.. some started work.. some pursue further studies. quite sad.. july was our graduation.. and that was it. but i hope to maintain the friendship that we have..

April was a special month for me... after four years.. four long years.. finally i had someone to share evrything with.. my life changed.. it is all so beautiful with her.. till now.. i cant believe time past by so fast with her.. i hope with Godswill we will remain together for as long as we want to... rite dear.. heh.. but ill keep those wonderful sweet feelings to myself..

September.. the next phase of my life..National Service.. i learn alot of things.. alot. though i cant elaborate some of the things ive learnt inside but all i can say is that i meet people from different walks of life... people with different perceptions of life.. but there is this one type i hate most..... poeple who abuse their power.. espcially when they are young and they think they noe evrything about life.. these people think evryone likes them but then they are the most hated human there... nevermind for now.. i believe in God's karma.. they will recieve the same treatment they give to people.. one day, just one day.. i leave them to God..

ok lah i gtg to have fun for now.. hope u guys have a wonderful holiday.. well i am about to enjoy mine~~ "Said from Musikatology News, signing off~"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2005-11-20T12:16:00.000+08:00

This entry is specially dedicated to dear sweetheart! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!! hehe.. its ben a long time since i blogged cos im too tired.. now i have this little free time to go online and blog for a while..

Dear sweetheart, i pray to God that u have great health and happiness and may all ur wish and dreams come true! this month also marks our 7th month being together~ heh.. its been a happy and loving journey and i hope to continue this journey with you for many more months/years to come! hehe.. p/s.. spending the nite yesterday to ur birthday's countdown was very special.. :)

hmm actually..i just remebered that alot of my polymates' birthdays in November! to Mick, Tracy, Shi hao, Junwen (abeng/ah gua) and See wee, Happy Birthday to you guys to and may u ppl be happy in watever things u do!

Happy birthday to all!! by ur always Mr Charming.. haha!

ok im off.. bye.

No Raya...

2005-10-16T16:07:00.000+08:00

Its very sad.. i wont be celebrating this raya as happily like the previous years. all becouse now is the fasting month, they are pushing the confinement week to after fasting month that is Hari Raya months. Might as well let us suffer now right.. duh.. watever lah. And by then all muslims will have to take over OB and Sentry duty on weekends. Weekends is the only hari raya time for me. So... forget it. Sigh..

On a good note, im have adapted to the life in there. used to it already.. but its getting more and more tiring. my weekends? go by so damn fast before i know it, its Sunday. Cant wait to leave man.. maximum 5 more months.. minimum 3 more months..

Talking about months.. bringing me to a happier note.. its been 6 months. might be short to some humans. but this 6 months of my life has been the most meaningful for the past so many years.. Thank you so much Sweetheart....... i'll keep the rest to myself ;)

gtg.. have some sleep first before breaking my fast and off to LaLa land.. i WISH!!... bye.

First Week...

2005-09-18T16:11:00.000+08:00

ok i gotta admit.. ns suck. maybe i havent adapt to this kind of lifestyle yet. but i hope i will soon. thats what some of my frens said.. Micky has been helping me alot to cope inside giving me alot of advises and tips. thanks bro. aprreciate it. :L no more oredi.. haha

but seriously i would like to speciallyl thank my dear sweetheart who has helped me thruout this really life changing experience for me emotionally... and eye opener i must say...i was never so happy to see my mum at home on saturday the first time i book out. and she cook for me 'mee goreng' just becuase i looked tired when i sleep.. and her food never tasted so good before.. maybe because the rubbish in there taste better then the mess food... lol.. hmmm.. i love these two people to death..i now learn to treasure alot of the minor things that i took advantage before..

thats all for this week.. be back next week.. anyway for those who tag at my board, just click the "neh!" button once will do and refresh the whole page.. i dunno y it wont update the msg straight away.. ok lah thats it from me.. but jsut dont click alot of times.. k.. booking in oredi.. chalo~

National Service.

2005-09-12T16:52:00.000+08:00

Update. today is my last day as a civilian. My turn to serve the nation. But i have this irritatating pain in the back which has been bugging me for the past one month. Hope i will be fine when im in. it is so going to be a very tiring week for me. Competition this sunday. And im leaving the team tommorrow. There is this feeling before you enlist for NS. Its kinds mixed. but im mentally prepared.Wateva it is i have to go in and hopefully by friday ill be out. Dont miss me ya people.. if there is anyone reading this blog.. haha..

sorry lah long time no blog.. evrytime i wanna blog then nothing comes up to my head and then i get lazy.. so ya.. i have nothing to blog anyway.. but do tag when im away or if u people read this entry. so when i book out can smile abit lah.. haha.. can msg (sms) me when im in but dont try to call. waste ur time. ok gtg go for now.. just finish packing.. now i wanna rest. see u people soon.

I will be missing my special someone.. hmmm :)

NuSkiN!

2005-08-30T15:31:00.000+08:00

ok after such a long time im back~ sick of my blog then dont read k! *smiles* its still under construction. got lots to repair. khakha.. my tagboard is not up yet. must ask peggy lin why. anyway have fun reading my past post first k. ill update on my life soon. anyway dont worry i'll update more about my life in the coming days cos im going to National Service soon. Police bebeh.. 14 more days. can and cant wait! ill explain later on.. for now im looking for peggy! *gone*

Soundwaves II

2005-07-09T15:25:00.000+08:00

ok here i am again.. makin a short update on my blog.. nothing much has happened. evrything is going "ok" with irritating problems around. i just dont understand why people have to see the faults in me and make it a big issue. im sick of it oredi.. ok enough off problems. moving on.. heh.. i had fun at shows lately and earning money doing it. and ya! i did work for 5 days a t the singapore warehouse under Giordano. tiring babe~ no ventilation at the place i did have a good sweat there.. i lost a few kgs ;p hehe..

hmm down there i learn how to communicate with deaf people.. its weird u noe werking with deaf people but i learn alot from them.. 3 of them are deaf.. but in the whole warehouse, they are the nicest and funniest people i met down there.. they help me out alot when im so blur.. how did they help me out u wonder when they cant talk and i dont noe any sign language, well there were markers and boxes all around..u figure out. haha! hmm sometimes i wonder how they live their nornal lives.. they use polyphonic phones, but yet they cant hear the poly tones. how do they wake up early in the morning, when sleeping and being awake sounds all the same.. how do they get up early in the morning ( if they stay alone) without hearing the alarm? i took this kind of things for granted.5 days carrying boxes, odd job.. but i learnes a lot.. really. got a bit of money from there too.. at least i have some pocket moeny for myself.. went out to eat with someone.. :D then spoilt myself buying stuffs.. actually suff.. only perfume.. hehe.. quite cheap.. considering its hugo bossss.. heh

hmm today and tomoro ill be having a show at kranji turf club with Peoples Association.. hope its gonna be fun and good. this time no percussion playing.. ill be singing~~ yeah!! haha.. singing desert rose with iskandar ismail.. that will be under the combo section of the whole gala show.. i actually sat thru the whole full-dress rehearsal last sunday and i find that this soundwave is much better.. but some parts of the dancing i dont understand.. the theme for this Soundwave is "movies and love" niceee.. weee~ but the scary thing is that i woke up this morning and discovered that i lost my voice.. abit only lah.. but.. its normal for me.. lets see wats going to happen this evening.. hmmm.. but till now i dont understand why of all places, Kraji turf club??.. if u people dont now what the place is all about, let me explain.. its a palce where people bet on horce racing!! weird. and tonite theres gonna be a musical show.. wheres the link??~~ maybe they are the sponsors for the show.. i dont noe.. what i noe is im going to have fun.. no matter what.. hopefully.. heh!

next time then chaozzzzz~

Jobless.......

2005-06-16T16:00:00.000+08:00

Life has not ben that great for me cos im jobless and that alone can cause me enough headaches. ish~ its so irrtating. aiyah long story.. first thing first, im going to Police Academy on the 13th of September. that fact says that i only have less than three months to werk. u tell me which company wants to accept me. hard rite. evry time i go apply.. "we'll call u back". so sad. and when i get the job its requires the whole 12 hours that im awake and 6 days per week. die lah. how about my other activities? my life? cannot2.. im not a career man yet.. im just finding part time job till i go for National Service. is that so hard?

i tell u what, this entry is full of complaints. so u aint up to it, bye bye. ok.. there is just so many activities at that cc of mine before i go for NS.. my God.. dunno when is the time that i can relacs.. have lah.. those special2 moments.. weeEEee~ haha! this is not gonna be a usual long blog entry i guess. cos i just do not noe what to blog. boring rite. evryday wake up, go out, go home sleep.. cant wait for NS.. weird rite???.. sigh..

my family, all problems and no happiness.. evryday i come back home its just problems, nothing else. *speechless* its always like this during the midddle of the year. i hate this season. just hope that my life wil be much better in the future when i start my career.

*blank*

okay lah people enjoy ur lives til the next time i blog.. WHICH IS NEXT MONTH!! hmmmm.. haha! ok bye.

Superstar Virgo

2005-05-24T14:49:00.000+08:00

My my.. its been a long time since i last blogged.. dunno where to start. seriously i had no time to blog lah... sorry guys.. firstly i start off with last weeks dk barat competition. heh.. i won Best Singer award.. weeee~ and my team got 4th. ok lah huh.. that thing got publicised in the malay papers and news. neat! but the preparation for that competition was really hard i tell u. cos my team entered that kind of competition for the first time. but it was all worth it..

then came my fevret event last week... the free-3days-getaway-cruise. my that was fun. ok i dint pay a single cent for that trip cos i was a performer on that cruise together with hairie, wanAbg and rahmat. Together we were the percussionist for Yuki (the bellydancer i performed with at Esplanade) and gang. ok wednesday nite we boarded the cruise, got a cabin for ourselves and when the to the buffet and stuffed ourselves with wonderful food. yummy~ after that yuki brought us round the cruise and showed us the interesting parts of the ships. the front of the ship.. the back of it... the pool.. the restraunts.. the Lido where live performances are showcased.. the Galaxy of the Stars(thats considered a club, where we performed.. hee) and our favourite spot? our cabin! hahaha.. we had the best time there.. doing anything we want with no one to control us.. as the cruise lasted only 2 nites, we decided not to keep to room clean.. well, only some parts lah like our bed and clothes.. besides that evrything else was scattered everywhere.. huahuahua!

ok moving on.. like i said we had to perform.. on the second nite.. but we were not ready for the performance.. so we had to rehearse with the dancers on the 2nd day like hell.. was fun though.. performing on the top deck of the ship.. where the sun was just nice.. and the sea in front of us.. nice.. oh ya i for got to mention that the cruise stopped at Port Klang so that those who wanted to travel to KL could do so.. but have to pay lah i u want to get off board. after rehearsal wan and i cooled ourselves down at the pool when out of nowhere came the organizer holding a mic asking evryone in the pool to play games.. we were taken by suprise,..i was wearing blue shorts and wan wearing red shorts.. haha the i was chosen to be captain of the blue team while and wan captain for red team.. like DUH!! my team won in the end.. well.. if it wasnt for the heroic captian.. HAHA! ok after that we had our performance.. at 8.3o pm till 10.. was really fun.. my first time ever performing on a cruise.. after the show we tot of not sleeping till the next day.. ehem.. but as soon as we change to our comfortable "suit" and lied on our own beds.. *poof* off we were to our dream land till next morning.. pretty tiring i must say.. hee..

we woke up next morning.. normal routine.. went to the buffet and had our lunch.. imagine how late we woke up.. haha.. kk then took our lunch.. as we were about eat.. my hp got back its network as we were reaching singapore by that time.. it was then i received bad news via sms.. rahmat grandad who was in hospital when we left singapore, passed away the very morning i received that sms.. 2.40 am.. when i received that sms.. i read it like 5 to 6 times carefully before showing it to rahmat.. hmm he broke down like a crybaby.. the mood change totally from a hapy four to a suddenly sad four..the worst part.. his grandad has been buried.. vey sad eh.. hmm never got to see him for the last time.. what to do.. we reahced singapore and accompanied him to his aunts place which was next to my block.. easy for me to go home.. met up with omar (rahmat's brudder) both of them are close to us and alwasy told stories about their grandad.. i guess now when i call his house his grandad wont be answering the phone again.. sigh.. so sad. rahmat is now smiling again after meeting him yesterday.. he getting better i guess..

hmmmm.. yesterday.. yesterday.. yesterday.. bring me smiles remembering yesterday.. hee.. ill keep that to myself.. a day ill never forget.. heh see u soon ppl.. hmmmmm i hope i mean "soon".... LOL ok bye.

-gone-

Hail The King!

2005-04-26T15:17:00.000+08:00

Im back~~.. ok here goes. First thing i wanna start off with last Saturday. My coursemates and I had our prom/dinner and dance. It was a blast i tell u from start to finish. evryone was wearing something glamourous. At first i thought it would be a boring nite cos there were only 90 people which made up about 10 tables.. but then the three tables that conquered the night was us! the yum sengs the lucky draws the games. We conquered evrything! what Thomas would call "Ownage".. haha.. i made profit by going to the prom.. i won an mp3 player!! 256 mb.. ok lah huh.. considering its free! no its not one of the lucky prizes... i was the Prom king.. Hail The King!! wahahah! Stephanie was the Prom queen. Have to thank her man. If she dint choose me then i would not have won.. so thanks Steph! For more awards info go read Thomas's blog. He is in my list of "Link of Bloggers". He has the full report for the night. haha~~.. it was a fun nite.

Sad part.. When i went through the pictures that they took throughout the night, i started to feel very.. hmmmm.. very.. i dunno how to say lah.. i think only my clique can feel how i feel. the bond between us is very special i tell u. esp to my fyp group... we are a bunch of really close people. its normal to have misunderstandings and what have u during the past 3 years or even the last semester when we had to do our fyp, but we r still together rite. that just makes us closer..

Thomas, has good leadership qualities, good buddy, all the boring moments shared in tutorial class, all the little jokes and all the gossiping.. knn! we r worse off than women!! if i were to write about this guy too long oredi lah.... really gonna miss u "Glenn".. haha

Jeremy, this ass evrytime gossip with me on the way home from school and evrytime i got homework for him to do! haha.. but its sad.. no more gossip in the train with him.. no more secrets to share.. so sad..and he is one of the balding clan X-Factor baby!~

Justin, this G-factor became close to me in the second year.. he changed from a nerd fu**er to a $$$hearthrob$$$.. haha! another very close fren of mine in school.. can share anything under the sky with him.. but im not sharing the themometer with u boy~ haha..

Abel, good drummer, itchy fingers, and is guy who looks at the positive side of things when things are really down.. sometimes irritating ah.. but he has good intentions for us. can see the potential in him becoming the Next Rich Man. haha~

Yong jia, random at making jokes, funny at times, and has a never say die attitude, but likes to sleep..~ like wth rite.. but thats him. he is the leader for my 3D project.. the project is going central.! haha.. best thing ever happen to him so far i guess.. gd luck to ur future, mate~ peh hor.

Peiyan, my "wife" in school.. awww.. can share evything with her.. except for the guys dirty jokes lah. but u have been the most supporting fren in school and the one who would always critisize me in a very nice way.. sometimes not! haha~ but its all good. her mood swings all i have been immuned to.. u girl, like the others, has made ur name prominent in my brain's storage system. hope u get ur * ahem ahem * soon~ haha!

For the others that are also close to me like Mick! My 3 years smoking buddy in the toilet~` haha.. very down to earth guy.. and can act really well~ but i wont fall for his trick no more. sheesha will come soon bro.. hmm.. tracy my most naggiest fren somewhat like my mom heh.. but has become my baby.. (low pitch voice).. haha! u take care ok... anyone bully u, u dont call me.. LOL! the rest of of the guys u r special to me to in one way or the way. i really thank you all for being my frens for the past 3 years. u people were the back bone of my poly life.. so sad to leave but have to. ..

Enough said... Hail The King!! hehe .. -out-

The Next Phase

2005-04-12T14:55:00.000+08:00

hey hey.. Long time no blog.. wel I have finished all my assignments in skool and that means I have graduated.. I think.. haha just need to wait for the cert. Well now I have to put my mind on the "next phase in life" - National Service. Ish.. hmm 2 years.. Dunno what the future has in store for me after that... hmmm.. Future.. So scary.. People CHANGE.. The environment will CHANGE.. Its all about CHANGING.. Just have to face it.

for now I have to find a job that will last me till my enlistment date. Save up some money and maybe get myself a bike.. haha~ but I am still thinking twice about it. u see riding a bike its fun, convenient and all that but hearing accidents that cause death really scares me... I have lost one friend in a road accident early last year. Was really shock that he went off just like that. My god.. To lose ur life in a spilt second. And the details of the accident. Scary.. Condolences to the family of my fellow DMMT course-mate Andrew who passed away last week due to road accident. I did not know him. But I just feel for him and his frens. I know how it feels like to lose a good fren at such a young age... And the worst thing is that he was finishing his poly life in just a couple of days time before it happened. hmmm come to think of it, 3 more months and it'll be a year I lost my good friend. Time just past fly so fast. I still miss him as much.

Moving on.. I have this big problem which I don't know how to solve. I have talked to someone already but I still can find the answer. I think ill just let nature take its course to how my problem gets solved. For now ill just be as happy as I am rite now and get on with my everyday life before National Service... And I will blog less often and each time I blog it would be something about camp and life incamp and bla bla bla.. Boring rite.. So typical. Next time then~~~`` ok bye.

A Beautiful Mistake..

2005-03-21T21:55:00.000+08:00

i dunno y i just like that phrase.. heard someone saying it while sleeping in the train going home from school. the irony of the sentence.. hmm nice meaning.. knowing someone my mistake but in a beautiful way.. wow.. ok enough of the lovey dovey shit.

ok school.. so sad. yesterday was at peiyan's chalet. gathering with the guys and girls. talking crap and as usual having fun with them. i can play mahjong now!! abit lah.. still dont understand some parts.. but i did won to games thanks to jsutin and kat's help haha.... dint sleep... ok lah slept on and off hour 2 hours.. then went to school.. finish up my LAST audio assignemnt in SP.. boy that was sad. the last time we used the lab.. the last time things cocked up in the lab. i made justin and peiyan realised that was the last time we were using the lab. their face changed.. haha.. but it was heart wrenching i tell u... cloce to tears.. MY GOD! im am that emotional about this graduating from school shit... and the thing is that we have not officially graduated. im gonna miss the people i see more than my mother...... esp those close to me.. anyway 1 big assignment down.. 2 more to go.. im pretty happy for what we have dont for the last audio assigment.. most like the samba recording... but i like both.. py noes which one i like better hor.. haha~~

gonna like continue my last 2 weeks of school happily. after this ns.. my god.. another phase i n life.. i hope its filled with adventure man.. cos i would not want to waste 2 years of my life doing something i dont like.. hmm seriously i havent slept and i feel like im hallucinating at the moment.. haha this gonna be a short entry.. so take care peeps..

anyway i passed my bike TP on my 1st try.. so thanks to those who have been supporting me. hope to get a bike soon! ok im -out-

"Taufik???".. "no.. its Said.."

2005-03-04T23:24:00.000+08:00

ok here i am again. alot of things to talk about actualy cos long time dint blog. but ill just say watever is needed k. first thing my assignments in school is going nowhere.. n only have 4 more weeks before i graduate. i cant even feel sad about graduating cos im worried bout my assignments. im not going to go for the sadness part yet cos i will get really emo.. like jeremy argh.. no comments. that aside... i dint talk with my mum for one week and its getting bad. all started because of a stupid problem. damn.

congrats to my gerls for winning and also for the juniors.. congrats congrats..

ok for the topic.. i dont know izzit a comment or a compliment.. first thing first.. i dont look like him. and since ppl knew i cud sing, they would always compare me to some good singers.. last time was someone else.. now the idol himself. like duh.. he is the idol. who am i? just someone who likes singing in the toilet. its not that i hate him or what. i have great respect for him for what he has achieved, its hard i tell u when singaporeans wants the music scene to rise but at the same time keep critising it. i respect him for that. like simon cowell use to say to some american idol wannabe, "he took every bullet like a man"... stayed humble.. -me salutes-. so... i am no one compared to him. raudhah once said :

nameLess says:you know what

pixel:refugee [yed] says:no..

nameLess says:everytime i see taufik on tv it reminds me of u

nameLess says:i dunno why.. but u both looks somehow alike

nameLess says:are u both related ?

related? no way man.. i dont have an uncle who's name is Batisah... bleah~ ah.. and there was once i was sitting with rahmat.. talkign crap. then saw his fren. his fren sat with hi, talked with him. and bla bla.. after 1 hour of talking suddenly his fren said, "eh, ur face like taufik ah.." i cud only afford to smile. haha.. but some organiser from somewhere did ever gave me a compliment when she compared me to the Idol. hahahaha.. i'll keep that to myself.. anyways, i wont be suprised if one day a young girl come to me and say "TAUFIK!!!!.. can i have ur signature?" probably i would say.. "can.. u noe why?.. cos........ lin sey lin sey pah lin sey" LOL!

monday 7th march.. oh no! MARCH Oredi.. so fast.. ok 7th march i'm gonna take my first TP test. so pray for me friends, family and enemies... hope to pass. and by end of march i got a personal goal.. i will try to achive it. ill update u guys and gerls if i have scored that goal~~ thats all lah huh. k bye.

Happy Bird day?

2005-02-13T15:13:00.000+08:00

Ok.. im back after such a longgggg time. past sunday, 6th of feb, I, Said bin Amir Alkatiri turned 21 years old. :bows bows:. I am now what i called A Fully Grown Young Man Who Is Still Schooling.. haha i loooiike.. AKU SUKA... haha thanks aneway to those hu remembred my bithday. its not everyday.

Thanks to my mum who bought me a cake half as big as my dining table and the best part? there's only 5 people in my family.. haha so we ate hat cake like pigs. to my lil sis thanks for that new perfume. like it. very much thanks to my family on that day. Love ALL of u.

thanks to bob lurve naser who took pains in organising the outing to smoke sheesha on eve of my birthday. and trying so hard to get me a present i like. neway i dont mind if i dont get a present bob.. have have lor.. no have then no have lor.. BUT thanks anyway. love ya bro. next i would lie to Thank bro Abg and my kool kenteng klan Miss sha sha for buying me that ticket to the Rock Opera show held at esplanade. Great show, great experience. Thanks again. To Ogykia and Nadiakia thanks for the wonderful Adidas watch. Just suits me like bees to honey. THANKS A LOT.

ok most of u wondering why blog today and not on last sunday ya? cos sunday i was having a wonderful time doing my FYP presentation with jey abel py yj justin at thomas's place. yup! ON MY BDAY!! what to do.. school work mah.. but those people who i just mentioned gave me and easy time. and even a little sweet suprise cake at 2340 that very nite. i was touched. dint expect them to do that in the middle of work. its the thought that counts... u bunch of refugees.. hahaI SEE U MORE THAN I SEE MY MOTHER FOR 3 YEARS U NOE! thats y u people mean alot in my life.

So presentation went so-so he next day. Cant say it was pretty bad. Nothing cocked up seriously. after that went out with hamdan and sha sha again looking at shoes and stuffs. nothing happen that day. the only stupid thing i did was drinking 2 double expressos. cos i was really sleepy. but the thing was after reaching home early, i could not sleep. my eyes were sleeping oredi but my brain were still wide awake! funny... not a nice feeling anyway.

so okay, i think tuesday was the last day "My birthday" ended. haha.. i was woken up by a call from epul and hamdan asking me to come down to my void deck. me in blur condition, went to have a quick bath and went down straight. Sweet suprise.. 1 pair of new jeans and one new shirt.. wow... haha talk cock sing song for a while then we seperated~. actually my birthday ended wednesday lah.. i got new pair of slippers from Hai and Aman (thanks bros). aslo a new Stussy wallet from yani and bob-- the AYANGS hah!~. after that i got a call from a student in sp saying that my group and i are in the finals of ICT talentime. no suprise. im jus wondering how can we win. just try our best lah hor............ hehe.. LASTLY, FINALLY, i just wanna say thanks to all who remembered my bday and bought me stuffs. very very meaningful indeed. a memorable one this year. THANKS TO ALL AGAIN THANKS THANKS THANKS THANK YOU!

^^ROCK NEVER DIE^^ heh..

Fuck it.

2005-01-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

ok im here to update. not in a good mood. not at all good. it takes just fucking few seconds to piss the hell out of someone. yes there are gonna be alot of vulgarities in this entry. so if u aint up to it FUCK OFF ya. fuck.

first let me start of after new year. nothing happen. after that, nothing happen but skool mostly and more ppl pissing me off for no odd reasons. and lastly came to today where people just fucked my day. its better for me to fuck around with vulgarities here than to people. evrything that happen to me this few months is so fucked up. i wont be suprised if my 21st birthday will be fucked up. i mean celebrating in a total fucking mess.

so fuck those fuckers who keep messing with my already fucked up fucking life. just dont be shocked if im in the papers caught for punching or beating the fucking life out of someone.

fuck off.

sorry for the badd fucking language ya .. just need to let it out to fucking cool down. Said fucking out.

peace*.

2005.. Here i come..

2004-12-31T13:38:00.000+08:00

the year 2004 was great for me as there were more ups than downs in this year of my life.. the sad part is im leaving my young life and turning 21 really soon.. move on to another phase of my life.. anyway all the shows (korea,WOMAD,Esplanade.. and a lot more) and happenings this year has made me mature more in terms of life. its hard u noe... i will never forget 2004. never.. one the most happening part and year of my life. its sad to leave 2004.

next year, tomoro i mean, will open up a new chapter in my life. i really hope my singing wil go somewhere besides where i am rite now... which is nowhere but the toilet.. haha.. i will also move on to another pahse in my life... its now my turn to contribute to my family.. come march next year i think i'll be single for like 4 years?.. and frens... pls dont ask when i am going to get a girlfren or anything close to dat........... cos if really there was one for me out there i will be attached oredi rite? so dont ask when. i dont even noe myself. if its there u'll know.

hai.. i dunno what to blog anymore as i am going to have my last performance of the year at Arts house (its the old parliament house). and after that maybe chill at my frens bbq pit. thats my new year party unless someone call me up to have a crazy party somewhere eh....

ok lah.. Happy new year to one and all! but dont forget to pray for the people affected by the tsunamis. and do welcome 2005 in open arms ya.. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Merry Christmas..

2004-12-25T11:41:00.000+08:00

ok for a start i'm using my old no again as yani borrowed me her phone.. again.. i hope it will stay with me for a very very very long time.... i dunno y.. these few weeks im so down.. but i dont show it in front of all people.. im picking up things again.. but as things picks up.. i lose money.. example i get to use my hp again. that involves money.. to clear my stupid 200 debt, that involves money.. someone dint care. or seem not to care.

was suprised yesterday i got sms from my school frens wishing me merry christmas.. haha dint get that feeling for eve of hari raya cos i lost my fon that nite.. but i really dint expect anyone to call and wish me merry christmas.. haha.. and the best part.. the wish was an excuse to call me... maybe to check wether i got back my line huh.. i dunno..

as days pass by i realise im getting older..wow.. im going to be 21 soon.. not going to celebrate it big or have a party but the number 21 just makes me think... of life. how many frens i've lost and gain.. the things which my family and i were going through al these.. which is superlly secretly personal.. plus also the fact im going to graduate from school real soon.. and then ns.. and then outside world.. no more play for me.. so boring..

wah shit.. im so getting very the emotional like some people (who i dont want to mention cos its christmas ;p) ok i'll stop here for this entry.. i hope by the next two entry i can write something nice okay.. we'll see how.. Merry Christmas to one and all..! ok bye.

Damn...

2004-12-16T01:40:00.000+08:00

lost my handphone on the night of hari raya while performing... Got fined cos of "putting" my ciggeatte by my side and not picking it up for $200.. Today, lost my handphone again early in the morning 8 am at Redhill mrt staion bus top going CMPB for my NS medical check up.. what luck. no mood to talk bout anything. can contact me thru email. ok bye.

UPDATE!

2004-12-07T01:44:00.000+08:00

my god its been a long time i've updated this BLOG. shit head im so bz with shows and hari raya i dont even remeber i got a blog to update.. even the famous Mr Aqmal N ask me " eh u update ur blog like twice a year ah.." haha.. just plain lazy lah.. wanna go online also like no time. always hangout, pratise. rehearsals, shows, johor bahru m sleep.. thats all. my body clock also spoil already. now i can only sleeep after 5 am and wake up like after 2pm? .. haha

actually now also i wanna watch tv so i just update little before ppl think my blog is dead. ok the few important shows that i performed this few weeks was the opening of Taman Warisan. no coment bout that. and then i thought came the big show of the year.. performing at Zouk out! imagine that.... was like my esplanade show.. BUT i dint understand the song they were dancing to.. trance.. eww.. just not my type of music.. but one thing for sure was great.. damn great.. The Chicks in bikinis!! HOTTY HOT!! actually same thing ah no comment. hehe... our show was OK lah.. Actually i also dont understand y we were there. i think it was Arts Central wanted to see how my band genre was going to attract the crowd and what the effect of us playing on zouk was on the audience.. lame right.. but ok lah.. at least appear on tv abit and get pocket money. $100 bucks 45 mins ok lah.. plus free entry zouk out.. haiya ok lah!!

neway school starting in a week.. my last journey of poly life.. so sad... very sad indeed.. many good memories in SP.. hai.. but this last semester is gonna be a tough one i know.. but i hope its gonna be a hard tough happy last semester.. k lah thats all for now.. ok bye.

Finally!!

2004-11-04T10:05:00.000+08:00

muahahakhakhakhamauhahahkhakhkahakhaa..~~~ ok finaly today is my last day at so called "work". haha.. for months i think most of us waited for this day.. its finaly here.. i dowan to get emotional yet cos there is nothing to be emo about.. so i am so so so so so so so happy as this is the last day of im going to see MR PLANT!! DAMN HIM!!.. hehe tmoro? holiday oredi lah.... weeeEEee~~

Sad but True.. in memory of...

2004-11-01T14:09:00.001+08:00

Bloody hell.. i just cannot wait for thurs to come. i think out of the 3 years im in poly now i think this itp semester is a waste of time. i would prefer them giving us new modules to learn about.. hai.. but no they send me to a company called Corporate Communcations whic is in SP.. my own damn school. hah! but ok.. at least i can come late and dont come when i have the reasons so long as the Supervisiors dont find out. which i think they never will cos there is only 3 days left which i think i wont want to stay if they asked me to. and time is really crawling for me now.... uuRRghh..

this fri i nned not come back to school to repot to my LO but have to come back on monday morning.. idiot.. but its ok.. have more time to finish up my neverending log book. hai.. but u see after that will b 6 more days to raya.. muhahahahHA! money.. money.. ok i admit i still get money from my realtives.. dunno when are they going stop giving me.. i hope they never will.. hehehehe....

ok i always leave my blog on a sad note. well today.. i bought the new paper but dint read the front page. cos it was folded in half so i placed it under my nice smeeling armpits and was holding a bunch of CD-R (which i am burning in the mean time) on my other hand. at the same time chasing the train. so quite hectic.. ya.. carry on.. and then in the train, i kept those cds in my back and then opened up the paper widely. tsk tsk.. black front page.. In Memory of Huang Na... "neglected in life".. "sought by thousands in death".. so sad.

after searching high and low for her daughter and finding her dead yesterday must be a real blow to her mum. and its reported tat she was found naked in a cartbox. my god.. which animal is so cruel enuff to that to her. only 8 years old man. i've been following the story about this missing gerl and evrytime i read it i just wish her mum all the best in finding her daughter. which deep down i dont tink she would be alive cos at one point of time i felt she was missing for too long already. but at least she was found.. rather than keeping evryone thinking of the possibilities of what might happen to her. the longer she is missing, the rumours will get more ridiculous. sad that she is dead.. but delighted at least she if found. hu cud miss that sweet face apearing on the newspaper evryday for the past few weeks. hmm.. well i cant.. i just hope that F*****G murderer/rapist/animal/inhuman S.O.B is found and i would like to have the honour of sticking a red hot long rod up his ass with him still being alive after the process!!! after which i would put him in a cartbox naked to die alone in some deserted bushes..!! grrrRRRRR.........

Bored.

2004-10-27T16:07:00.000+08:00

ok let me first start off with what;s been happening in the past few days that i dint uodate my blog.. i dint go werk/school on monday and tuesday.. last fri sat and sunday had shows and rehearsals. breakfast at UCC -- University Cultural Centre.. beside NUS. the food was great, buffet eat all u want. ok sunday's show.. nothing much for me. not presuurising not a bit scary. just sat there sang two songs with the rest of the choir. but i shud say that the whole even was brought down nicely. i mean those who went to see what the concert was all about would have had a pleasent time watching with thier whoever. but overall i would rate the whole thing 8/10. marking includes, quality of show, lighting, atmosphere, costume, micing and so on so forth. btw 8/10 is very high for me.

ok next the past two days.. i gave been doing nothing but BUM! thats all.. im just to lazy to do any housewerk nor do anything else. cos i think my mind is switched off after Perdana and few shows after that. even yest i went dwon to cc to see them train, i dint even sing a little bit nor hit any of the percussions. just sat there and stare at their blur faces.. haha.. dunno just o lazy.. maybe the next biggest show i have to prepare for is HARI RAYA! paint hse.. clean hse.. CLEAN HSE is a major thing i shud say.. buy clothes.. make kuih.. MAKE KUIH?? sorry i dont do that.. i just eat them. just so many thing to do man..

sometimes its gets to bored till i cant sleep. i mean cant sleep till 7 in the morning an i SUPPOSEDLY have to reach work at 8.30am. which i never do. heh.. i dunno ah life seems bored this few days. i have things to do and sometimes nothing to do. but i am just too LAZY!!! hah thats the word.. hope this laziness wont last long. this few days alot of frens come to me when they have problems. i REPEAT.. when they have problems. when their problems go away i would go away to.. so sad rite.. not for me. better.. so they wont bug me. i dint mention anyone did i... so ok no. just wanna make it clear down hear that i REALLY2 hate liars and hyprocrites.. i just so FFFFFFF hate them! i just got to know someone hu is one. a BIG hyprocrite. yet that person** (**lets call that person pussy cat) still dowan to tell me what pussy is keeping something from me that i should AND have the right to know cos its involving me. and pussy cat thinks that i dont know what is happening ard me.. HA HA HA anyway i got the info from a good fren.. thanks ya gud fren! hehe.. alright.. ill play along to tat game.. im sure it'll be FUN!! wowhooooOOO~~ im sure some of u are lost to what ive just type.. nvm its ok.. its for ppl hu noe.. weEEeeeeEEEe~ alrite peeps i need to go now.. finish up editing my audio'SSS k bye. anyway i type this lest that 5 minutes. im sure there lots of typos but im just lazy to check.k bye. watch out pussy!

11 more days!

2004-10-20T11:35:00.000+08:00

i first started blogging when i first started my attachment. that was nearly 4 months back when shahsa teng teng help me with this blog.. haha thanks ah eh.. neway its going to be the end of my attachment soon. franky speaking i have learnt nothing from this experience except for those office people's different kind of attitutde which some i really like, some i feel like killing. ok i have found new friends.. seen more pretty gerls in sp hah~. but i have learnt really nothing. ok done editing video here and there ya.. but nothing more than that besides getting screwed up by Bernie (Mr Plant) for nothing! Ryan was a nice guy.. he's our supervisior which was then replace by our mr chubby Aaron... now little mouse Celeste. she is a freak.. haha but i dont care.. 11 more days and ill say bye2 to corporate communications~~!

i went through alot man during this attachment life. i mean my outside life during this attachment time frame. quarrels can start off without having me to meet my frens for such a long time. people back stabbing behind my back (oh my.. thats so normal).achieving somethings which i never thought i could in the first place. played some shows which i never dreamt of playing like for example.. WOMAD?? oh my.. guest singer.. what a privilage. but thats me living in my evryday life.. some ups some downs.. but the sadest thing happened to me on the 23rd of july 2004... a day i would never forget for the rest of my life.....

it may be irritating for those who read my blog that i keep writing about this. but do i care ? no.. cos i just dont.. nobody knew how he felt, the pain he had inside, the lack of oxygen, half shut eyes, tumour seeping through his rib cage and can be clearly seen by the naked eye. nobody felt his pain. no one.

ur one of the best frens i had in my entire life. we shared evrything. almost evrything. u dint wanna share with me ur pain.. u showed me how strong u were even though ur body was at the most timid stage.. u even made fun about those big needles poking through ur evrywhere on ur timid body.. u lost ur hair.. people made fun of u.. u wud think i felt okay with it cos i was laffing along with u but u were wrong my fren.. deep inside i was always sad for u.. dint wanna show my weakness although others did.. dint wanna show cos i wanted u to be strong even though of ur ilness.. sometimes u do talk about death with me... which i would brush it off.. in fact honestly few weeks before u were going i got a bad feeling that it was gonna be the last few weeks of ur life.. but again i brush that thought off.. i cant cry now cos im fasting.. but my heart is just so shattered the day i lost a fren like u.. till today i can still smiling see u evrywhere and whenever i want to.. but u can never talk back with me.. u cud only afford to smile.. in dikir ur dream was to reach the finals of perdana.. but u were not with us till the end of the maiden voyange.... but we felt u were with us on stage dutring the semis to help us win... we did for u man.. we entered finals.. but i think winning was abit too far for us at the moment.. ur sister wrote for u a little something in ur bday in the guestbook.. u went away just two weeks before ur bday.. hu wud have tot.. they (our family) had oredi planned ur bday party when u were going to be discharged.. but u dint.. sometimes when i step out of my house , how i wish i could call bobb and he asked him to follow me along visit u at ur hse/ hospital.. but.. how i just wished..u wud think that i have forgetton about u.. this coming friday will already be 13 weeks ur frens, family have not seen u.. next saturday will be ur 100th day away.. .. i just cant take it when ur mum just come crying to me and hugs me.. it really breaks me down.. just cant see her cry.. it just reminds me of the moemnt u took ur last breath while holding my hand.. that memory will be at the back of my head for a very long time to come... one day i will join u.. ur family and frens will join u deep down there.. but its up to go God to decide when. i will always pray for u my fren. always... just sad u cant be joining us for this years hari raya...

happy fasting people.

Fasting..

2004-10-15T13:48:00.000+08:00

today is the first day of the holy fastibg month for us. and i dunno y people are always suprised when i say that i fast. hello even criminals fast. just dont look down on people ok people.. haha.. kinda happy that its fasting month cos one thing i can lose weight~~ im becoming rounder by the day man.. fasting month came right on time for me. can also reduce my damn smoking. also getting heavier by the day. all fatcs and figures came from resource: CHOW DA EN. hah!

well people another msg or piece of advice.. forgive and forget. dont keep or bottle up anger to urself. its worse than smoking u noe.. bad for heart, for lungs, for brains, for blood cells and for... i dunno.. but its bad. so if u need to shout at someone, then do so. but bear the consequences aite. dont play the game of sarcarsm cos it hit back at you and u wont like it.

hmm so muslims who are fasting.. then happy fasting.. tahan ah..for those who are not, then respect those who are. nearly one.. six more hours. dunno wether to eat at home or at kallang with omar. have oms tonite. will paln later on.. ok take care all.. mick ly and ky if ur reading this.. Welcome back to Singapore!. da.....

DONE!.. I Think...

2004-10-06T14:56:00.000+08:00

ok harlow ppl.. those have been asking me " eh y u never blog ah...???" .. ok here is the answer.. Today for the dunno how many times in a year im having fever.. damn.. on a day like this. so hot and im feeling feverish.. how do u think it feels like. but suddenly now i think im getting better. haha dunno what im talkign about.. getting crazy.. brain fried by the fever.

OK! on to the competition we had last this past sunday.. ok we started of the day by going to Azman's grave lot and read some prayers for him. was so damn hot and evryone was perspiring like as though in a sauna( i dunno how to spell that word)!! then after which we went to epul's late fathers grave which was quite far from where the bus alighted. but nvm.. we walk through the hot sun. upon reaching there we also read some prayers.. bought flowers.. normal stuff. after that a few steps away from the grave it just started raining like hell.. pouring down cats and dogs. so sudden~! we ran and got lost along the way as the graveyard had many paths. but somehow i backtracked and remembered where the bus were and sprinted there. man we were wet upon reaching kallang theatre. oh ya before epul's late father grave we visited late Rashid's grave near Azman's.

long way to kallang from Choa Chu kang graveyard. but its was a happy ride. nobody wanted to spoil anyone's mood before the big competition time. reached there rehearsed the opening event with other groups and then it we went to our room and got ready. that part evryone in my team was nervous. really nervous... in the room there was this speaker we u cud hear the other teams playing. but soon after i switched off cos i feared that some of my mates would get really scared of the big teams. we braced ourselves up and performed...... in fact the audienced love us. to my pleasent suprised the roared at one pat when i was singing.. haha never felt like that before in dikir. outside shows yes, dikir coms never had people clapped when i sing. was a nice feeling...

and then results time.. so damn scared of the results i went to pee several times.. haha.. what i aimed before the com was to get top 3 and best singer award for my self.. which after i performed i was confident of getting it... and so i was nominated for best singer award.. but i received the best potential singer...... again.. like for the third time. like som eppl say how many times can u be potentially good. is not that im not happy with the reults or what so ever.. but im contented with the results but im not satisfied. he beat me again. ok i respect him cos he manange to beat me even though i was at my best( i think). ok forget bout that... but still we dint get top 3.. quite sad actually after trainig so damn hard for it. but its okay.. my team will never be the same after this national level competition. i realy hope we will be very strong.. very very strong one day. ok enough of competitions..

like some people always say there's always a next time. and i definitely cant wait for the next time.. so till next tim peeps!

DAMN!

2004-09-30T11:17:00.000+08:00

damn my heart is aching man.. haha.. im totally scared about this sunday.. sometimes just cant sleep at nite and being sick made it worse.. i dunno how are we as a team going to get through this sunday. it will be hard. but i hope it will be our best. and hope nothing can be our obstacle along the way. ive been feeling shity right this few days so pls forgive me to those ive been talking roughly with. those who are close to me u all shud noe y.

apart from that my mind is totally on this sunday i dunno y. i just dont know y. one of my friends asked me y shud i be afraid when i have performed bigger shows than this. ya... bigger shows.. esplanade and evrything. im not so afraid of the audience. just afraid my team will screw up. and worst, me screw on the stage. that has been the worst fear for me evrytime i perform. and some more this one is national competition. freaks me sometimes. actually im too excited maybe..but im gonna be cool bout it. do my best and all... just hoping for the best.

hmmm just realise that fasting month is nearing and and is less than two weeks~~ oh my.. damn fast u noe. it feels like as though its was only 3 month ago that i scrubbed my toilet squicky clean.. haha! now fasting again.. hope can loose alot of weight. and have to paint my house and all that get baju kurung. wah.. hope to really have a HAPPY raya this time round. haha ok im dreaming its not even fasting yet and im thinking about hari raya.. for those people who tinks im happy.. actually im not.. im just being very very very crazy ... if im quiet means im too tired. hahah ok before i get crazier ill stop here.

anyway damn i missed BEYONCE's concert on tv on tuesday night due to training. DAMN DAMN DAMN... *gone to asylum*

sorry..

2004-09-23T13:03:00.000+08:00

i feel so sorry i dunno y.. to my frens my family and i think my near future which is next oming sunday. i just feel i am not working hard enuff and there is no inspiration for me. evrytime i work hard for my frens my family will be affected. when i work for family school will be neglcted. i need to manage my time well starting a.s.a.p if not evrything will go haywire. but family has so far been the most neglected.. sorry mama. anyway im not a robot rite. so to ppl using me have fun doing so till u cant use me no more aite.

thats all for today. going luch now. im in such a loss. i dunno y. just feeling crappy.

StresssssssssssssssssssSSs..

2004-09-17T11:53:00.000+08:00

wah gang long time never blog. so caught up with my bz schedule i forgot that i had a blog. so many things happened the past week. i dunno which one to tell u guys. but oh well ill start with something that happenned today.

today someone who i called "Che Ali" passed away this morning. he was the MAEC Chairman in Bukit timah CC. i was from there. so i knew him. he is also my friends father. i have mixed emotions in me now. this year seems to be the year that alot of people i knew passed away. one of them my close friend. i dunno y but it seems to me that this year is what i call "death" year. and its not even end of the year. scary for me. anyone might go next. just a matter of time. dunno when is mine.....

ok enough of those stuff. hmm last week the gerls and guys junior group had competition. me and zull so stressed up teaching them. really2 stressed up. they dint win.. sad fact. i expected the gerls to win cos they were great. but again im not the judge. there is always a next time. now is my teams turn. we have the FINALS. oh my that word really2 scares me cos i only created like 1/10 of the set. alot more to go in just 3 weeks. i dunno how are we going to survive. the opening of the whole event is done by Imran my team's choreographer. t shirt we have to make that Stephen is helping me to design this very moment. hmmm alot of things to do in less than 3 weeks. actually 2 weeks. very short time indeed. but im gonna do it. something just spurred me on yesterday. Azman wrote a letter before he died and his mother came down to the cc and gave me that letter in person. she cried and said that maybe those words can help encourage ourselves to go further and beyond than we already are. i was speechless when his mother gave me that letter crying. his sister's cried upon seeing their mother shedding tears. i was just speechless. maybe they just miss him too much. i did too but i dint show it cos it would just make his mum cry more. so i just smiled and said thank you. she passed me some money to be shared by the team. it was Azman's insurance money which came in yesterday and she said she would only feel right if she gave us a little of the total money. i thanked her for that.

im just gonna bz so caught up with this that i have no time to spend for my fanily. just 3 more weeks and that the end of teh torture. the results is another thing. family.. hmm something cropped up at home today. my younger brother did something in school today. he disapoints me.. alot.. now i know how my mum feels when i was naughty last time. haha.. but i think my brother is worst... i am gonna do something to him tonite that will get into that big head of his. so sick this few days because of the weather. so hazy and i dunno how to explain. ok im tired of typing.

to people who thinks im ignoring them for watever reason. i hope after reading this entry of mine u ppl would understand what im going through. i have a lot of responsibility. and if i do something wrong or skip something which im suppose to do then i will surely be in hot soup. im the type of person which is not remembered for the good thing ive done but always for the mistakes i did..i think..

haha ok before i carry on babling nonsense i better stop here. till next time folks. have a fun time in your own world. -gone-

AhhhhHHH.......

2004-09-07T16:42:00.000+08:00

Long time no blog huh. haha~ kinda bz and my newly "virginated" com at home dont seem allowing me to blog. technical problems. F that. anyway saturday had dinner show for the same wedding that was going to take place for 5 hours. 5 damn long hours of tradional music can make you sick to the core i tell you. haha~ and some of my mates dint sleep that saturday nite so it was kinda tough for us to last for 5 hours but we did it! haha.. money came in after the show.. nice u would think. but then yesterday my outgoing was cut so had to pay using the shows money that i just got. so sad.....

yesterday dint go werk was too damn tired cos of the shows and something else... ok. so i msg Stephen late morning telling him im too tired to go to werk and he understood. then an hour later Da en called me adn said aaron wanted to see us 4 at his office at that moment. i was like oh my god.. how to reach skool in five minutes?? dont tell me take cab again.. money fly again.. adn even if i took the cab it'll take me like at least half an hour to reach skool. i was panicking like hell but my voice stayed calm.. AND THEN.. Da en said it was only a PRANK! my god i nearly had a heart attack on monday morning... ok lah fair lah.. the other day i played a similar prank on her.. but dont u worry i'll get back at you... MUHAHAhaha

ok problems at the CC i have solved halfway and now is finishing the gerls set. its tough u noe when u only have one brain and one voice box and u need to cater to 20 people needs... hmm.. but i always take that as a challenge. to day i might be going down to CC or OMS i hanet decie yet cos as some of u noe im very the fickle minded.. so ya..

yesterday went out with my De`lima frens to Seoul Garden to have one of the most filling dinners in my entire life. i ate like A PIG~ a real god damn mud bathing PIG~ u noe y.. cos its FREE! haha.. 2nd aniversary mah.. so we use our fund money and evryone ate like neva before... and can u all try and imagine when ur totally full to the extend ur staomach is bloated and someone made u laff like hell.. my stomach felt like bursting into thousand little pieces. haha.. but was fun.. and filling.. and best of all yesterday i dint come out one single cent... haha shiok.. k lah till next time ppl toodles..~ need to go smoke break and F off from this skool//

Mag blast!

2004-09-02T11:29:00.000+08:00

Mag blast is a card game where i always tought were for people who had no life and sit with a bunch of freinds who had nothing to do and spent alot of money on card games. two days back me and my "work" friends were so bored at ideas centre when stephen took out his cards and taught us how to play Mag blast. oh my it was hard to understand the game at first but as time went by i started to get the whole game and even was keen to beat "Mighty" Stephen... haha! Sharifah joined us later and she beat Stephen at his own game... my god was she lucky. first time lucky i guess. haha.. but m keen to beat both of them one day. im not the type who watch cartoon and play games or card games type of person but that thing is damn fun i tell you. haha ok maybe iom exagerating..

these few days i keep smiling like an idiot i dont know why. one thing is because my face appeared on my schools anual report book. the book is so damn bloody thick. ok let me start form what happened yesterday morning. i woke up with a terrible lower back pain i dont know how i got it. and so i msg Stephen saying that i wont be coming to work lah cos its really painful. then i think about ten minutes later he called me up and said that Mr Bernie(our horrendous supervisor a.k.a Mr Plant) wanted to see al four of us at 11 am. and that time he called me was i think 10.30 am. wow.. how was i suppose to reach skool in half an hours time with the fact that i just woke up. i quickly bathed and took a cab to school.. NB! WASTE 12 BUCKS.. aiyo.. i could have spent it like wacthing a movie or something. heh! then when i reached corporate comunication (my "company") Bernie told us to check wether there was any mistake in the staff member name list on that book. the names ah was so small and my eyes nearly went kuku checking all the names. 1500 names u noe.. but ok lah we divided into 4 people. haha after that i search through the whole book and say my face... two pages of them FULL page i tell you.. one with Sharifah and the other with students from other courses.. but of course i am not as photogenic as them but what they heck! tell me how many times can u appear on two pages of the school annual report magazine/book! that really made my day! cant wait to get a copy of that book. hehe

yesterday was a smiling tiring day for me. although i dint quite like some things that happened to me around midnite. but nevertheless it was nice meeting my aunty after such a long time. ok some people do make me really happy and i like that alot but some people just make me so down. i hate to be down in mood cos i really think i will affect those around me... my innocent friends and family.. they have to put up with my long face. so pls understand.hmm k i'll stop there..

this morning i woke up and received a happy? or should i say okok news.. i duno. but i myself wether to be satisfied with 2nd when i aimed for 1st or to be sad that i got 2nd and should motivate myslef much harder to be the best. i really want to be the best. ill be sad if i dont get the position i want. i think no one would noe what im talking about cos ill keep it to myself. maybe slowly i will tell the people who are close to me and knows what i am going to talk about.. but they just wont understand how i feel. nevermind... i will work hard. i must.

wah.. i think this is the longest blog i ever wrote. actually there is one more whole chunk of story about yesterday which i rather keep to myself.. thanks to the people that made me smile.. thanks alot! ok im hungry and im going to get something to bite. gone for now.. -gone-

Beautiful Moon

2004-08-31T11:41:00.000+08:00

hmm i have never blog for 2 days consecutively but there is always a frist time for evrything right. hmm ok where should i start. ok yesterdays practise can say it was fun lah cos long time neva play with them. haha me and omar fool around with the beats of the song but we were still in tempo lah of course. was palyng my last song with them when somone msg me telling me how beautiful the moon was and yes it was damn beautiful last night. so bright so white so clear and just one strip of light coated cloud beside it. wah.. i stood there in amazment just looking at the moon.. even omar and aman stood there with me telling how beautiful it was. i have always admired the moon... how it can be there when the sun is still up although its suppose to appear at night, the different coulours it sometimes shine.. hmm.. of course lah got scientific explaination to all this but i don want to learn the definite answers cos then when i look at the moon i wont be amazed oredi..

hmm can say yesterday was and average day for me but i was smiling more then the previous days because of some situations. ill keep that to myself. sometimes i smile at the stupidness of omar, sometimes cuteness of someone falling from a chair at the coffeeshop and sometimes just smile because of people whom i think just plain nice and sweet to me. actually now i plan to write the longest blog ever but somehow i tend to speak more then write or type more. cos maybe i cannot type as fast as i speak ah that it. u see all these nonsense im blabbering are all considerd the number of words that is going into my latest blog entry~ LAYAN AR YED! ok ill top my nonsense here.

today however hapy i am, im still lookig forward to reading prayers for my dear fren Azman who is not here anymore with me tonite at his mums place. 40 days today since he is gone. so many events happened to me and how i just wish i could him tell him and make him smile. but sad fact -- he is gone. its been a long time since i wrote bout him cos i don wanna be sad and remind myself evryday that he is gone. like i always say evry single move i make could remind me of him when he was alive. to this day its hard to believe i cant call hima dn talk to him go out with him eat with him and make stupid bullshit jokes with him. hmm we are just to close. me him and wan. i really think when he as sick i was his closest fren although alot fo people where concerned about him still i was with him almost evryday. hmm what i always tell myself is that he is safe is God's hands and he will always be looking proudly at me and i will make him proud of me and my team...

ok lah enough of that sad note. i'll stop typing by saying i love everyone including YOU! fren2 only ar.. hah! k fanggulo people. -gone-

Yesterday

2004-08-30T12:43:00.001+08:00

"yesterday.. all my troubles seem so far away".. hmm actually quite true. yesterday was quite "ok day" for me then problems and situations started pouring in on me. have to settle the problems one by one. have to go that way.

yesterday was tiring man. woke up early.. late lah actually for my practise at hairul's house. learnt a few songs here and there. quite hard actually these songs. today after werk got practise again at his house cos this weekend got 2 shows. saturday dinner show and sunday got 5 long hours show. wow for the first time delima is going to perform for 5 hours. pancit ah~ haha

ok lah actually im bored at werk today. thats y writing this blog. someone is bored too so i hope that person is reading this blog hehe~ promised myself to wake up at 7 today but in the end i woke up at 9. so late! no discipline! lazy!-- thats some people would say. but you would have to go through the boredome i go through everyday then you would know how i feel. sleeping and lazying aournd in my bed is much better..ok ok~~ ill stop complaining.

sometimes when i read people's blog there will be this "one part" whereby when i read or any other people read they wont understand.. only the owner would understand.
so here goes "my part".. sometimes in life i think i have found the answer but as i slowly learn about the answer, i would also slowly lose the understanding of it. the defination may be cruel but its just in me. cant do anything about it.well maybe thats my life and ill have to go on with it till the last day of my life. maybe something will change this fact of me but i doubt so. i hope something will change it but again..i doubt so. if it remains this way, evryone will still see a happy me.. but only from the outside.

ya.. so dont understand rite~ haha! told u oredi. only i me myself said bin amir alkatiri can understand all that carp... hehe suka suka suka~ ok lah i think i better stop crapping around and go eat cos im really hungry and my stomach is growling angrily at me. till next time peeps!

WOMAD 2004!

2004-08-29T01:03:00.000+08:00

wow! thats the only word that can describe my experience yesterday at fort canning. for the first time in my life i participated along in the event where u can find big names in it! WOMAD-- World Of Music Arts and Dance. Although i think our groups part was quite small but our second part really had the audience dancing man. incredible! i dint have this feeling since my esplanade show with Bedouin Groove. how i just really hope people can notice me by my singging yesterday and some big pepole from the industry taking me to greater heights inb singing. haha! dream on.. that wont happen in our lovely country Singapore. bleah~

there was two sets of performance that PA had to create. the first set was okay lah.. rather dull cos the crowd was not in yet. but after the famous local group "Wicked aura" performed audience stated strooling in to our side. actually the was nothing for me to do in the 2nd set cos my singing was only for the first set. so i was just wastched he second half. then when it was over the organiser asked to played something cos the set finished too quickly. it was then yaziz called me and ask me to sing that two songs.. "Desert rose" and "Jaleo" and HAHA! no werds can describe how i feel. just happy that the audience really appreciate it. weeeee~

hmm actually im back from a show at Victoria Conert hall. vocal academy show. we from De`lima performed to represent the malay side of traditional music. quite boring actually but made some frens there. thay can sing. mostly opera style. but the frens i made is actually around my age. one from NTU and the other a chinal gerl or shud i rather say doll. almost perfect for a china gerl. she really looked like a doll. harry went gaga over her.. haha! really gaga~ harry if ur reading this, remember what i said.. DREAM ON! hehe.. but overall was quite fun lah. long time never perform for concert show with GOOD micing system and get a little money at the same time. *claps*

ok lah sorry i dint update my blog for a long time. sometimes too bz somtimes too tired but i dunno y somehow feel this is the rite time. hmm.. tomoro maybe wacthing Al beduoin at womad. maybe ah. not too sure if i can get in free. tomoro also considered heavy day. tot i can unwind. hmm nevamind ill just go on till i cant. no complaining! hmm i hope next time if i got similar performance like that, all my frens who had never seen me performed in that way can watch me... hehe! ok lah gang til next time i update~

countdown to harry ns: 16 DAYS!! (including today 29th of august)

Complain!

2004-08-23T14:03:00.000+08:00

ok here i am again. not to complain but to stop complaining about things and looking at the brightehr side of things. some ppl say i always complain wether it be in my blog or anywhere.. but.. thats my part time job what. what can i do~~ aiyoi.

boring for me at werk today nothing to. lets see what shud i talk about. maybe about past saturday where i went down to east coast park for nadia's birthday pit. ok lah lots of food met up with lots off ppl and ust slack around. slack till nothing to do then we played soccer three am in the morning. haha~ long time no play soccer now my body aching all over. ya i noe im fat cos of not exercising for a long time. i will do something about it. shudup u! haha~

hmm there is some problems which i rather keep to myself which if i tell others it can never be solved. so by hook or crook i have to settle the problems myself. i will do it and i must do it.

this week i will be having lots of practise and trngs. for dikir barat competition not the finals but another one. for womad and for De`lima's show next weekend. im not complaining but just telling u ppl okay~ dont get me wrong.. ish. k lah gtg for now.. update later in the week. bz lah babes~ -gone-

Tiring Week.

2004-08-18T13:44:00.000+08:00

okay.. let me start off with last saturday's east coast outing. hmmm.. evrone brought their food from home and some bought some last minit food at mama shop.. haha kinda cute. we came and joked around with each other. some even started jumping into the sea early noon.. damn! dont they noe its hot... haiyo. then we chatted and chatted and chatted till its was too boring. then someone suggested we play "dog and bone".. haha like secondary school.. childish but seirously FUN~. but at nite was not fun. went home and sleep!

on sunday we had some dikir barat show at tampines stadium. short sweet one lah. then nite time we watched some RC show next to tampines stadium. it is a national day dinner where wan and fauzi were involved.. so we came down to support them. the thing i dont understand is y must they have national day dinner when national day itself is already over. it alright if its held before national day.. but this is after national day. so pathetic ah Tampines. not the residents of tampines.. the comittee of Tampines.

Monday Aliff came down to my house 12 am in the morning to reformat my stupid com. hmm so trouble some. had to insert his harddisk to transfer all my files to his hardisk the reformat then transfer back. on top of that we had so much trouble in reformating. my com has been "virginated" by Aliff. haha~ nothing inside. only my files. and the only thing on my desktop now is Internet Explorer.. just one pathetic icon. haha! but its much much much fater now when there is no virus and no nothing... like i saud it has been "verginatted". slept at 5 am. bleah........

okay yesterday was quite tiring cos i slept late monday nite. went to work thinking i had to do video shoot for graduating students. but in the end they ask some other ITP students. wah if only i noe ah.. i would have slept longer. then yest nite got OMS training. normal shit. the intensive training have not arrived yet. once it arrives.. like thomas always say "thats it ah!"..

Today morining woke up and rush to school to take photographs of graduants. HAHA some look funny wearing formal. the funier they look the more pictures i took of them. some so touching hug their parents. some abeng cannot tahan wear formal straightaway changed to their abeng suit after getting their cert... tsk tsk.. its like once in a lifetime and u cannot tahan wearing formal for a day? Ah bengs.. such weaklings~. today i have to shoot photographs for 3 graduating sessions. just finished the first one on the morning.. we ate free food... lotsa of food yum2~.. me and shariffa(i hope her name is spelt correctly or else she will shout at me haha!) were eating with important ppl which i dont know who.. all wearing coats and tuxedos. haha so somehow i felt like i was a minister.~ *snort* now imwaiting for the second one.. i had nothing to do so blog lorRRRR.. long time neva blog already.. lazy i guess.. and this blog of mine has been screwing up. dunno y. ok till next time babes~

Boring.

2004-08-13T13:00:00.000+08:00

ok here i am again complaining and blabbering nonsense. firstly today is Friday the 13th in case some of you dint noe that. someone reminded me over and over again yesterday. i really dont know what does this day stands for. bad luck? hmmm.. i did encounter something bad on last year's friday the 13th.. but maybe it was just bad coincidence. i dunno what will happen to me today. maybe something good. maybe someone gonan post me few million bucks in my letter box! haha dream on.

ok enough of today... the past few days i had trainings and "kenduri" for those of u who noe what it is. kinda tired cos been starting to sleep late again. and im having chest pains. each time i cough it'll be painful and sometimes i feel like vomiting. haiya.. dunno whats hapenning to my body. maybe need some energiser. evrytime SICK. evrytime Said comes here he complains he is SICK. well too bad if any of u is SICK of hearing that im SICK. anyway im SICK of writing this SICK thing. OKAY OKAY like i said earlier im blabbering nonsense~

ok happy thoughts for tomoro~ yeahoo! going out picnic with bukit batok family~ HAHA! long time no enjoy.. tomoro is the day to tan my fair skin~ haha LIKE AS IF IM FAIR~ all of us bringing food and going to unwind at the beach tomoro yeah~ hope its gonna be fun... tink it will be fun.. i hope most of the ppl there wil be going because the more the merrier what~~~ and Sunday got dikir barat show for some mosque.. i dunno which one is it. charity show. ok lah huh since long time never do charity work. there are alot of needy ppl who needs our help out there. dont neglect them ya ppl~ might never noe one us might be the needy one one day.....

hmm ok today is the third week he is gone.. still miss him as much.. especially when looking at his pictures.. actually my heart aches when im writing this.. i just really miss him.. i still have the thought that he is just away on a long vacation and one day i might be able to see him again.. but reality wise that's not the case.. he is totally gone from the surface of this earth. its hard to explain u noe. its just that .. nevermind. i just never knew that his death will have a great impact on me. just too great.. unexplainable. now, i cant see his face anymore.. only pictures and memories can remind me how he looks like. the memory of him breathing out his last breath.. that memory is just too painful for me too bear.. i sometimes think that what happen at the hospital that fatefull day was just a all bad nitemare and i would wake up from it..........

anyway the picture on the left, first black and white picture.. that's me on the left and he is on the rite. that picture was taken by harry besi's camera (i think) after my esplanade show. that was the last day i saw him stand up and walk around although i heard he needed support on his lower back. he was damn sick that day but he insisted on coming down and watch our show. the last show he saw me perform. he gave us two thumbs up. although in that pain that he had inside, which we could not feel, he still made us laugh the way home. never did stop similing. after that nite.. he was paralyzed. Approximately one and a half months after that he went back to God.

well all i can say Man if you a reading this, i hope u r resting in peace and is safe in God's hand. Al-fateha.. amin.

Azman bin Rahmat (1984-2004)
God loves u more
than i do.
will be missing u.
love u bro.

Weekend

2004-08-10T16:03:00.000+08:00

hmm.. How should I begin.. Ok lets start with my show on Sunday.. Not bad.. Considering my first time singing in an opening for a how like that. But was damn tiring because I had to run up the VT a lot of times.. Fun but tiring. The best part was getting the pay~ haha! But then tomorrow 3/4 of it will be gone paying my school fees. damn it! That's how money come and go for me. hmmmm...

anyway yesterday was planned to go out with Keris family to watch fireworks. Cute kan kan kan~ hah! But we missed it.. damn it again! haha!.. Esplanade was so crowded we sat on grass patches facing the sea. Quite ok lah we caught things up,talked cock and ate muffins Nadia brought from her workplace at Coffeee Bean.. yum yum.. But somehow amongst all that happiness I really felt someone was missing.. He was always the happy one.. hmmm... Then went back early and slept late.. So boring rite.. Actually I didn't what to go home that early but all went back home and some were too tired to go out of the house.. Actually abg kenteng fauzi and hani asked me to follow them meet up with THE MAN and eat.. But I felt so awkward lah.. All couples.. So at last I went back home and talk crap with my mother.. And it was really crap.. haha~ then I listened to some recently favorite songs of mine then sleep..

today meet my boss.. sooooooo bloody stuck up~ REPEAT AFTER ME.. BLOODY STUCK UP!! First egoistic man ever landed on SP. And he is full of shit.. Sometimes I just feel like punching his face and making a hole in it so that he will really look like a plant. wanna noe y plant.. Because he has a degree in some plant shit lah.. But he is doing public media relations for SP~ where's the link.. He knows nuts about media~ F*** him up down left rite centre front..

and the icing on the cake... I have not get my pay! Idiot.. Sometimes SP do really suck huh.. But other poly suck harder.. hehe ok lah times up for now *****gone- //

Sickly Bz``

2004-08-06T13:42:00.000+08:00

Wow.. The past few days has been hectic for me.. One thing is that I am damn bz this whole week that's y I have been sick these past few days.. Really sick.. On and off.. panadol don't seem to work and I hate wasting my 2 to 3 hours queuing my self up at the polyclinic just to see the doctors for five minutes.. Its gets really damn tiring and irritating..

y am I so bz? Because I got a show coming up this weekend at the Victoria theatre this Sunday. Traditional show lah called "Lagu dan Irama" by Sri Warisan. So I have rehearsals on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday Friday and Saturday... But I dint go on Thursday.. FYP dinner meeting.. On top of that I had practices at OMS on Tuesday and Friday.. And again on top of all that I have to work from 8.30 to 5.30 everyday.. that's y I these few weeks I cannot reach home before 9 to unwind my self.. The earliest I reach home on average is 12.30? hmm.. That explains y I'm having a flu rite now.. But its getting better today.. Thank god.. Sometimes its so damn tirin but what keeps me going on are those ppl who have a busier schedule than me.. So.. ya.. But at the end of my tiring days I still meet my yummy dessert~~ hAhaA!

ok lah people I report to you once i'm free again aite. Anyway its been two weeks since he is gone so.... *prayers*. -Roger And Out-

Done!

2004-08-02T14:46:00.000+08:00

finally its done.. and over with! we succeded ingto getting into the finals of Mega Perdana 2004~ oh my god.. such a relieve.,. i think he can now rest in peace.. he was with us on stage yesterday.. during our whole performance.. can feel him sitting beside me like the past competitions when he was alive.. really felt the presence... thats y we did really well i think.. i think that the best performance my team ever did so far.. and im proud of evry single one of my guys.. i think "he" would be proud too..

i think from today i can rest in peace and sleep well shit well eat well but not work well lah~~ cos i have nothing to do at werk.. me and my friends at werk have to find work for ourselves.. idiot rite.. anyway back to yesterdays competition.. after our competition performance.. we had a dedication song for his family.. i created the song in like 5 mins on last fri just so that we cud dedicate the song to his family on sunday..

when the song was played evryone one from my team teared.. his family teared.. even most of the audience who felt us teared along with us.. damn sad... really sad.. i was crying all the way while singing that song.. could not help my self.. like the malay saying " TAK BOLE ANGKAT LAH!!" aiyoi... but after yesterdays performance.. i can feel all the pressure lifted off my shoulder..

hmm ok for now its back to my school/work.. but the will be shows coming up for me.. so will be quite bz.. and have to crack my head on our FINAL set.. and i mean FINAL set.. we r in the finals.. cant help it but be happy~ hehe.. tough but i have to go through it.. for him again~ once again! till next time.. like Mick always say:
*Publish Post*

Competition.

2004-07-31T12:15:00.000+08:00

okay.. i know.. im going to be very bz and tired tomoro so now im tyaking my little freetime here to write my blog.. okay.. tomoro big competition coming up.. very big for my team.. its the nasional dikir barat competition and we want the get into the finals by hook or crook and we will do it for our team and our friend Azman.. he started off teh competition by playing in the prelimanaries.. my mates and i now just have to finish it. but if we dont get into the finals its okay cos sometimes life is just not fair.. but tomoro our mission is finish it up in style and hopefully go to the finals... hopefully.

i been feeling all different especially nitetime.. esp when my family members are all asleep and im alone surfing net or watching tv.. i can a feel as though "someone" or "something" near me watching me from behind.. maybe its "him". sometimes it would get so chilly my hair woujd just stand... maybe im just too paranoid.. but maybe im too close to him thats y he keeps me "company" at nite when im alone. i just cant explain... i just dunno how to feel when this kinda thing happens.. wether to be happy, scared or sad.. i just dunno..

as i said earlier on the big competition is tomoro.. sunday 1st of august. there is where i hope he will be.. watching us n and supporting us. cos we will do it for him tomoro.. just for him and not for the audience or the judges in front of us..

enough of all the sadness.. i need to have put on a new face from today and have a new spirit in me to play for tomoro's competition. ull hear from me soon.

Life.

2004-07-28T12:30:00.000+08:00

wats life. some ppl take a lifetime to search for the answer. some ppl dont even give a damn what is it all about. but i have learnt something new in life. never take anything or anyone for granted. cos life is simply precious. u wont get it back once u loose it.

wats death. some ppl take take their full lifetime to achieve. meaning dying old. some ppl dont. meaning they die at an early stage maybe caused by an illness. each living thing on this planet earth will encounter death one day. not sure wether its gonna be tomoro or 50 years later.

i just lost a fren. a best fren. patners in singing. patners in music. patners on and off stage. patners in not sleeping one for whole nite and talking crap. patners in going out to anywhere each of us wanted to go even if we dont noe where to go next. known him for 7 years. 7 years. was close to him. very close. he passed away becase of an ilness named the 'metastatic germ cell tumour'. passed away on the 23rd of July 2004 1138 hours.

he left many sweet memories behind. can always see him smiling down to me everyday from the sky. its too spacious without him now. his name is always at the tip of my toungue. always at his hse and sometimes mine. laff off just about pratically anything. supported me in evrything i do. was by his side all the way through since he first got the illness.

was there the whole thurs noon when i found out he was in critical condition. beside me him. he was weak. eyes were half shut and half open most of the time. breathing hard.evening time i went to PA (peoples association) for some stupid show's rehearsal. was on my way back home around 2200 that same day. wan called me up and said his sister was crying. his sister said he called me and wan's name. shouting our name in pain wanting us back that nite to be by his side. i switched train. lucky enough to cath the last train towards outram park mrt station. upon reaching there i ran to his ward. found him breathing even harder. little response.

did not sleep a wink. kept looking at him breathing hard even with the oxygen mask on. each breath he took my heart ached. cos i knew he was going. doc gave him 4 more hours to live at 1030 friday morning. was holding his hands at 1130 beside his family and all. wispered in his hear. his eyes were opened but too weak to respond. tears rolled down his cheeks as i started asking for forgiveness. 1135, one by one, his other friends started wispering to him. 1138, his last breath.... slow last breath. he went off peacefully.for the first time in my life, i saw my good fren of seven years not breathing........... and eyes never to be opened ever again. i broke down. broke down pretty hard. doc said 4 hours. 4 fucking hours. but he only survived 1 and 1/2 hours. some ppl who rushed from work and all dint get to see him alive for the last time. yeah i have never trusted doctor's timing. never will.

msg here is i lost a fren. a dear good fren. no one noes how i feel because no one noes exactly how close am i to him. ppl, pls love ur surroundings- be it ur frens, families or whoever u really love. mite neva noe hu is next going next. scary but true. just happened to me a week ago. and its still fresh in my mind....

Azman bin Rahmat (1984-2004)

God loves u more than i do.

will be missing u.

love u bro.

Bleah~

2004-07-21T13:42:00.000+08:00

my frist ever blog.. in my entire life.. i dunno y am i setting this up.. maybe because when i have no one to complain to i can always rely on this dumb blog.. i duno~.. hmmm lets see where shall we start.. ok not from 060284.. we start from today ya.. today is my 4th day of attachment.. and its so damn bloddy boring and ive been roaming the whole school doing nothing but eat and walk.. doing nothing.. and some bisnes in the toilet.. besides that i have done nothing.. ok lah i did some music for the clip my me and my mates where editing from some conference that took place on tuesday.. but seriously its boring..
well.. there are pros and cons.. one thing is first year students.. haha~ they make me laff.. another thing is that the food is still cheap.. can still see poly gerls NOT some old woman at werk ya frens~ hehe.. but i have no one to talk openly,cockly, bullshittyly with.. well thats part and parcel of my course. . . just have to endure it.. for another 4 MONTHS~~!!.. oh my.. that all for today folks.. -peace out- posted by yEd at 1:40 AM